First Post

Date: Sat. 1/16/10

Context: Arrived home to Court St. alone, Rohya being dramatic in taxi with Chris, mild fight with Salina about Court street plumbing, parents visiting for Parker’s Red Egg dinner, DRUNK…

Ok. Here goes….

I love ellipses (I just checked to make sure that’s what they’re called)…I think it’s because ellipses allow me to not quite believe what I’ve just written- it’s like a shorthand for a disclaimer (kinda like my continual failure to fully commit to anything)…

Anyways. I’m starting this private blog while I’m drunk. The idea is that it will contain drunk thoughts. Are they thoughts I normally have if I’m not afraid to really speak my mind. Maybe. Or maybe they’re just drunk ramblings. In any case it’s kinda silly that I’m turning it into a blog. Why not just a private diary in MS Word? I think it’s because the act of writing is a little dangerous. And then putting it online is even more dangerous. Or maybe I’m just vain and I’m just asking to be caught- I WANT people to know…I’ve always thought of myself as a voyeur, but when I’m drunk I’m an exhibitionist. Ugh. Life is one giant contradiction…

…

I’m not a writer. Ok, I just wrote a sentence about my English SAT score as a way to show that I’m really not a writer, but then I thought “wow, that’s a lame sentence and I’m bound to be judged by it, either because my score really is too low, or that I’m lame for thinking that that score is too low”. I think that editing is a funny thing. We’re constantly editing what we say (and in this case write). We feel that we need to put forth our best version of ourselves (through writing or even through dressing up) so that we can be judged positively. But really, should we be that worried? Shit, this is meant as a diary of sorts and I’m still paranoid about writing something that may be perceived as silly.